Ray Rice: ‘I almost felt like at one point that it wasn’t worth living’

By Cindy Boren March 1 at 1:20 PM

Ray Rice, with his wife Janay, appealed his indefinite suspension in Noember. (Jason DeCrow / AP)

Where does Ray Rice go from here?

Not even he knows and he’s trying to make peace with that uncertainty.

The former NFL running back, cut by the Baltimore Ravens after a video of his knocking out his then-fiancee in a casino elevator ruined his career and reputation, has been a free agent since before he start of the 2014 season, waiting for a team to give him the chance to restore his professional and personal reputation. It will not, he knows, be easy.

“It’s tough. I realize that’s a battle I’m going to have to face for the rest of my life,” Rice told the Baltimore Sun’s Aaron Wilson. “Time does heal everything, but I don’t think people are going to forget this. I want people to not forget about the incident, but I want people to see there’s a human being on the other side. This is not a monster, a guy who’s a repeat offender. I’m not the guy they stereotype me to be. I’m not excusing what I did.”

The incident occurred in February 2014 and Rice was initially suspended two games. When a second video appeared, he was cut by the Ravens.

“The big picture of it all, being the person that I am, I really felt horrible,” Rice said. “You almost want to punish yourself. I know I’m never going to win the battle of public opinion. Honestly, I almost felt like at one point that it wasn’t worth living. I see why people commit suicide.

“It hurt that bad. I was low, real low. It hurt that bad because you worked your whole life to do all the right things and then you’re the world’s most hated person. It was really tough. My daughter, oh Lord, I grew up without a father, there’s no way I could check out on my own family.”

Rice plans to move with his wife and daughter to the New Rochelle, N.Y., area to be closer to family, but hates the idea of leaving Baltimore, where fans continued to wear his jersey even after the second video appeared.

“That’s going to be a hard pill to swallow, to leave Baltimore,” Rice said, adding that he still hopes to be involved in Baltimore charity events. “Truly, I feel like I have unfinished business here. I didn’t finish it on the field. At least I can finish it in the community.”

After spending most of her career in traditional print sports journalism, Cindy began blogging and tweeting, first as NFL/Redskins editor, and, since August 2010, at The Early Lead. She also is the social media editor for Sports.